UPDATED BELOW

I believe they’ve turned a page.

In at least the second shocker of the day, the state-owned socialism-reliant CBC reported good economic news today, but again, they sandwiched it with “buts”.  Or maybe butt cheeks. 

Yes, U.S. retail sales were UP in January—and the CBC reported it.  You can tell, because their banner, which usually reads the likes of “RETAIL CRASH!” and “RETAIL TAILSPIN!” and “RETAIL DISMAL!”  and “CAPITALISM IS A FAILURE!”, to wit…

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this sales are up story is accompanied by a banner which reads… “RETAIL”, to wit:

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And of course the language is priceless. 

“And a surprising thing happened last month in the U.S.!…”  (Well not nearly as surprising as you reporting it, Mizzz Lee).

Shortly after she got over the “surprise”, Mizz Lee advised us (and I quote) “But it could just be a blip!” 

This was followed by the business reporter inventing all manner of excuses —on behalf of the capitalism is dead! set’s mantra, perhaps —to helpfully explain the “blip”…  such as the “fact” that it could just be (and I quote) “suddenly frugal Americans may have waited for the January sales to rummage through the discount bins for everything from food to clothing and electronics and maybe also to spend their gift cards!”  (Yeah it must be something weird, since you all have been trash-talking and FEAR MONGERING since I don’t know when). 

She went on:  “Some analysts don’t buy the idea that the January sales bump can be sustained. Stock investors aren’t impressed either, major markets are ratcheting up losses again today!”  [UPDATE AT STOCK MARKET CLOSE: Dow dropped all of 6 points.  That’s a “ratcheting up” of a loss of 0.08 percent or eight-tenths of one percent.]

Then the primal base liberal urges emerge, as she talks-up the favorite liberal-left cause of all: booze and sex.  Yes condoms and condom sales are “u-up, Nancy!”. 

image  “Two other business that do well in hard times:  booze and sex!!  Sales at Diageo, the world’s biggest spirits maker were up at the end of last year, Nancy, as markets were falling apart, and condom sales were also u—up, uh six percent in January—this is according to uh the Nielsen company which should know these things I guess!”  [Laughter and giggles from both]

CBC anchor Nancy Wilson:   “Not touching that—not touching that at all but interesting to know!!” [Laughter and giggles from both]

CBC business reporter Jeannie Lee:   “Well you know ‘personal stimulus package’ I say!” [Laughter and giggles from both]

CBC anchor Nancy Wilson:   “Oh very good!  Very good!  I can’t top that!  I won’t try!”  [Laughter and giggles from both]

“UP”DATE: 

As if to prove they’re just barely short of crass, depraved, sex-obsessed liberal asses from Saturday Night Live, with no sense of journalistic propriety on the supposedly serious taxpayer-owned and funded “news” channel, the ever so subtle Jeannie Lee, in her next “YOUR BUSINESS” segment update, expands on the, gee, golly, GIANT BIG AND LONG AND HARD AND WARM PENIS ERECTION? (there you go, clever Mizzz Faux Prude) theme.  In the next segment, she added this hard news: 

imageCBC Business reporter Jeannie Lee:  “If the soft economy has you staying at home, throwing an extra layer on to stay warm, join the club!  Sales of condoms were up… more nesting, more need for cheap entertainment … and more need to avoid a BIG and LONG expense nine months down the line!  ..One condom maker is … offering more coupons to print on its web site Andrew, if you want to play it safe, fiscally and physically!”

CBC News anchor Andrew Nichols:  [blushing and looking sheepish] “Aren’t they clever.  ‘Cheap entertainment’ though?“ 

Business reporter Jannie Lee: “Well cheaper than, you know, your $300 dinners that I used to go to!” 

CBC News anchor Andrew Nichols:  “All right Jeannie, thanks very much.” 

Great.  Now we learn about Jeannie Lee’s sexual escapades, in which she used to be entertained by $300 dinners, and now finds casual sex a cheaper form of entertainment. 

I’m not real sure the news anchor and the business reporter should engage in crass, cheap sex talk in the middle of my morning coffee, on a state-owned, publicly-funded news channel.  Actually I’m absolutely sure of it.

•  State-run media email contact form for complaints: http://www.cbc.ca/contact/index.jsp
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No word so far from the CBC reporters and anchors about the actual joining of penises with VAGINAS, though, since that would be inappropriatepolitically incorrect— and no doubt strictly forbidden according the CBC style guide, in deference to the homosexuals, transsexuals, those who decry “sexual identity”, and the other elements of their viewer base. 

Joel Johannesen
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