The Harper honeymoon cannot be over. It never started.
Honeymoonis interruptis for the true blue believers. These folks felt like mouldy oldie spinsters, of little interest to any suitors for nearly 13 years. Imagine what it’s like to be the bride in the bathroom of the honeymoon suite primping for the new stallion, only to step into the boudoir and find him in bed with a Lady in Red.
Only hours earlier you were the belle of the ball. Now you’re the bride of Frankenstein.
Dear Prime Minister Frankenstein,
Remember the good old days when Belinda Stronach saw you as the horse with no game?
Every Conservative agreed when you said her gambit wasn’t about principle. Just ambition. You probably wanted to say blond ambition. But you knew that Mrs. Harper would remove the kibble from your bowl.
Because you think of yourself as principled, nobody doubts that you can dress up this pig of a political play as principled. The government needs to have a member from one of Canada’s three big cities. The government needs David Emerson’s experience in international trade. After all, look at all he has accomplished so far on softwood lumber.
What exactly has he accomplished, Frankenstein?
Oh and one more “principle.” The government needs to have a Vancouver MP in cabinet during preparations for the Vancouver Olympics. Now is it just me or are these eggs a bit runny?
The first rule of politics is that if you have to explain it, you’re losing. The second rule of politics is that if you are trying to tell the faithful that you are a chess player and they are just checker players, you’re losing.
Frankenstein, your messaging monkeys will tell you that you’re a strategic thinker and your frustrated troops cannot spell “think.” Grant those monkeys the real estate inside your brain and you will surely become the second coming of Joe Clark. Many of your staffers cannot remember those 15 minutes of lame when Joe was sworn in as prime minister and swore to God the Grits were gone for good. He thought Trudeau had hung up the holster just because the former PM said he would. But good ol’ Pierre, rogue that he was, still had one more Derringer in his boot.
Fast forward to last fall. Remember how much sympathy you elicited from the true believers when Belinda decided to share the same treehouse with Ol’ Man Martin. I mean, you didn’t have them sobbing in their hankies the way Potato Patch Peter did. But that was understandable, Frankenstein. You only lost your shot at a coup. Peter lost his coo coo kachoo.
And all this brings us around to your very first act in office. You brought Liberal David Emerson into government. Apparently you didn’t even ask him to turn in his Liberal membership card before putting his hand on the Bible.
You took a guy who told everyone in his riding that they should not vote for your guy because you were on the far right. After being sworn in, he told people that his entry into cabinet meant you were tacking left.
By the way, Frankenstein. Did you at least wait until you were elected before you bagged this four-point buck? Hope you had the boys pat him down. Hope he wasn’t Grewalled up. Wired for sound? You would never feel cumfy wumfy with the public listening to the tape of you whispering sweet nothings into Liberal ears.
Speaking of nothing, didn’t you once believe that Liberals stood for nothing?
Is that what makes David Emerson so comfortable in standing with you?
- “Le Petit Green Machine” stumbling - Monday February 19, 2007 at 9:49 am
- A sour note on CanCon music regs - Wednesday May 17, 2006 at 7:36 am
- Liberals are now officially ‘scary’ - Wednesday May 10, 2006 at 12:43 pm
