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Doug Giles

Ann Coulter

Investigate This!

The Republicans are back in charge in the House...

Liberals Give ‘Til It Hurts (You)

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P T B C

Doug Giles

Ann Coulter

Investigate This!

The Republicans are back in charge in the House...

Liberals Give ‘Til It Hurts (You)

Liberals never tire of discussing their own generosity, particularly...

Scrooge Was A Liberal

It’s the Christmas season, so godless liberals are citing...

Like a Condom, the First Amendment Can’t Always Protect You

First of all, I feel so much more confident...

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Call Our Troops Homophobes

The Pentagon’s poll on “don’t ask, don’t tell” is...

Dennis Prager

America, Not Keith Ellison, Decides What Book A Congressman Takes His Oath On

Keith Ellison, D-Minn., the first Muslim elected to the...

Why I Smoke (Cigars)

There are few personal confessions more likely to alienate...

The Smugness Of The War’s Opponents

In this week’s New York Times Book Review, a...

Is A Gay Who Opposes Same-Sex Marriage A Hypocrite?

Why did a gay prostitute tell the media about...

Note To Angry Republicans: Stay Angry, But Vote Republican

One repeatedly hears that some conservatives and Republicans will...

Mike Adams

Kids Write Obama on Abortion; Obama Misplaces Them

I’m getting sick and tired of the Obama administration...

Stand For Life

A former student recently emailed that she was disappointed...

Fellowship in the Woodlands

Most of America's problems are cultural. Even our economic...

A Queer Need for Rejection

Whenever I write about the issue of First Amendment...

Left State University

William Irvine is a professor of philosophy at Wright...

Salim Mansur

Israel: Decades-old conflict not about to cease

Since 9/11, western powers have behaved more or less...

The better man lost the U.S. election

There will be scores of books written and words...

The puzzle in U.S. presidential elections

The role of the electoral college in American politics...

Bad egg about to roll out of White House

In less than two weeks, Americans will either elect...

Free speech distinguishes the West from the rest

In Crowds and Power, the late Elias Canetti, a...

William D. Gairdner

Canada’s Thought Police ~ Shame On Us!

Below is a story that appeared in the New...

Religion, Sex, and the City

At the recent McGill Conference, I was asked to...

A Fun Debate

This past weekend I participated in the annual Civitas...

Restoring A Pro-Family State

We see hints of it every day now. I...

From History to Harper and the “nation” situation

The commentary below is one citizen’s best effort to...

Barbara Kay

Why Quebec is banning the burka

Whether they admit it or not, virtually all Westerners...

I distrust Obama—but that doesn’t make me paranoid

Like many Canadians, I find American politics have a...

The cult of multisexualism: It’s not all good

Sex education in the schools isn’t new. As John...

Every week is Sex Week

Yale University is arguably the most prestigious institution of...

Male Studies: A proposed curriculum

The 93rd anniversary of the battle of Vimy Ridge,...

John Stossel

Are Americans Cheap?

The New York Times and Washington Post editorialize about...

Working Mothers Need The Free Market, Too

Last week, my “20/20” co-anchor, Elizabeth Vargas, returned from...

White Guilt Doesn’t Help Blacks

Complaints about racism dominate the media discussion of the...

Property Theft In America

Do you live in a blighted home in a...

Birdwatching, Government Style

Here’s a job that’s really for the birds: staring...

Paul Jackson

Suzuki playing gutter politics

I have likely never seen a more outrageous, mean-spirited...

Grit record terror-ible

The hypocrisy of our nation’s federal Liberals obviously knows...

Britain’s Blair takes tumble

Troubles open way for Tories LONDON—Prime Minister Tony Blair and...

Being ‘likable’ isn’t enough

This is what should frighten all of us about...

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The nation will spin into chaos if Dion becomes...

Ted Byfield

CBC’s attempt to mould us led to its decline

The CBC disclosed last week it wants to get...

Counter ‘revolution’ brewing in Quebec

English-speaking Canada was given further evidence last week that...

Shades of Tommy Douglas!

Alberta has basked in prosperity until Honest Ed came...

Story behind nation’s religious collapse

Church attendance in the U.S. is now double the...

All laws rely on some moral authority

Separation of church and state a bad idea I said...

David Warren

Robin Hoodism is on the rise

Once upon a time, and in some periodical publication...

Taking on the Reformation

One of the comforts, for a pundit out of...

The miserly Canadian

Canadians, as everyone should know, are tightwads. This is...

Rediscovering the meaning of Christmas

Christians, or at least the Catholic ones, are supposed...

A vocal truth

In addition to the convenient facts—news that fits effortlessly...

Michael Coren

Police politicization: Law breakers ignored while law-abiding protesters treated like criminals

Within the propaganda and tawdry political theatre that is...

Ideological narcissism: Chief’s hunger strike tough to swallow

While I have some sympathy for Irish republicanism, I...

Fashion over debate: Sonny days ahead if Justin Trudeau gets Liberal leadership nod

The world didn’t end recently, and it’s unlikely to...

Insulting fanatics: They’re the people who make up the legalization campaign

Last week on my television show, we interviewed Jodie...

Shrill backlash to men’s rights advocate

For more than two years I wrote a men’s...

Rory Leishman

SPECIAL: A Letter From Rory Leishman: a critic apologizes to him

Editor’s note:  This is the latest in an ongoing...

Media neglect sources of homegrown Islamist extremism

Following the arrest of three more Canadian citizens on...

Shameful neglect of the mentally ill

We Canadians like to think of ourselves as an...

A case study in poverty and corruption

Over the past 30 years, Angola has developed into...

Canada’s real poverty problem

The Conference Board of Canada ranks Canada’s record on...

Theo Caldwell

Canada’s FATCA Capitulation

As of this past week, the Canada Revenue Agency...

Canada’s Complicity in the US Surveillance State

In Canadian political debate, accusing one’s opponent of advocating...

Of course Canada is more business-friendly than the United States

A recent report from Bloomberg News ranks Canada as...

Toronto Mayor is Not a Victim

I voted for Rob Ford. Normally, I embrace the...

Good luck, America (you’ll need it)

And here I believed that Obamacare, chronic 8 percent...

P T B C

Doug Giles

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Doug Giles
Doug Giles
Thursday, February 27, 2025
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WWJT: Who Would Jesus Torture?

A Christian radio show host asked me the other day how I could, as a believer, be cool with waterboarding terrorists for intel crucial to our national security—or, as I like to call it, the implementation of the Irrigation for Information Act. Irrigation sounds so much more pleasant than torture, oui? Oui.

I told my inquiring host that as a patriotic white male Christian redneck, as far as I can deduce from the holy text, Jesus and the balance of Scripture seem to be okay with dunking Achmed if said butt munch has the 411 regarding the 10/20 of the next mass slaughter of innocent Americans. Call me crazy. I’m well aware, however, that I could be committing an exegetical error given the fact that I’m white and male and all. This is my cross.

Please note: If Christ wasn’t cool with irrigating irate Islamicists for facts, I must admit, I would still have to green light our boys getting data from enemy combatants 007 style. Stick a fire hose up their tailpipe and turn it on full blast. I don’t care. I’m not as holy as most of you super saints or as evolved as some of you progressive atheists purport to be. Security beats spirituality in this scenario, as far as I’m concerned.

Now, as you can imagine, the holier-than-I show host was a tad bit taken aback by my confidence and giddiness over teaching captured terrorists how to snorkel minus the snorkeling gear if it would keep our country safe. He saw that as somehow incongruent with the Clay Aikenization of the sassy Christ a stack of Americans now worship. He then asked me, in kind of a tsk-tsk tone, for a proof text or two from Jesus’ lips and la Biblia that would come even close to him wishing or implementing ill on those who would harm or kill the innocent. This was like taking candy from a baby for me.

How’s this for starters, Slappy? In John 2:12-17 Jesus whipped religious hacks who were turning God’s temple into a Costco for religious crap. According to San Juan’s account, it was the second thing Jesus did after John baptized him in the river Jordan. The first thing he did was turn water into wine. That’s two things lame evangelicals can’t imagine Jesus doing: making wine or using a whip, but I digress.

Yep, Jesus opened up a can of whup ass on charlatans in the temple. He didn’t pray for them or write them an angry email with the caps lock on or call them “man-made religious disasters” that we need to apologize to for forcing them to sell overpriced spiritual curios. Nope, he methodically sat down, got ticked, made a whip and cleared the punks.

Having that snapshot of Christ violently snapping on the 1st century televangelists in the temple, I’m a thinkin’ that if he got that riled up over overpriced Precious Moments figurines, personally whipped the culprits for it and then ransacked their product display tables, more than likely he would be cool with submerging a couple of murderous morons who have information regarding the pending liquidation of thousands of innocent civilians. (And by the way, I’ll take water in the face over a whip to the back any day of the week.)

If you still think he would have problems with waterboarding the wicked who have the poop on potential terror plots, then what do you do with the story of Noah’s Ark? Correct me if I’m wrong, but those chumps got waterboarded to the max, right? Aw, what’s the matter? Does that 411 not fit with the Jesus you made up? Shame.

Not only did Jesus flog greedy religious freaks, he, along with the Father and the Holy Spirit, created this little place called hell for the wicked—which makes Gitmo look like a Chuck E. Cheese. Although, come to think of it, Chuck E. Cheese is quite hellish. Bad analogy. You get my point.

In Matthew 18:6 Jesus said if you harmed a little kid it would be better for you to have a chunk of concrete tied around your neck and tossed into the drink off Miami Beach compared to what the Trinity has prepared for you in eternity (author’s paraphrase). Sounds bad, eh? Worse than waterboarding? I’m thinking . . . yeah.

And then we have the book of Revelation. Yikes. This book is one chapter after another of agony on steroids for those that war against that which is holy, just and good.

So, once again, I’m kinda thinkin’ Hey-Soos wouldn’t blink at how cautiously and methodically our intelligence gents have been in pouring some Zephyr Hills down Habeeb’s nostrils in the hope that such “torture” will make him spill the beans regarding his posse’s plans.

Y’know, maybe I would be more empathetic toward the terrorists who wish to kill us if I were a Hispanic woman from the Bronx, but alas, I ain’t. So, I say, in the name of Jesus, water baptize the bastards for an extra minute or two if that’ll persuade them to unveil their buddy’s macabre machinations.

Granted, it’s always great and right to err on the side of civility, except of course when saving many lives trumps the uncomfortable nature of sticking a garden hose in a terrorist’s snout.

WWJD indeed!

Doug Giles

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