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When is Martin declared scary?

As the story goes … a newspaper reporter from Alberta was drinking with a member of Paul Martin’s communication team. Pretty soon the bar talk became trash talk and Paul Martin’s pantry boy puked up the following hairball: “Alberta can fellate me.”

Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. I have misled readers about the language in that bar. No one said “fellate.” Sorry for thinking I could blow that one past you.

Is this any different than former PM Jean Chretien’s musings way back when about how he didn’t need Alberta? So what if the language is a little saltier this time? It’s the same vulgar principle. If Alberta had half the money and double the population, the Liberals would deliver more TLC than Anna Nicole Smith offers a dying billionaire.

Question: If a prime minister wants to pistol-whip a province that doesn’t need Ottawa’s money, does this enhance national unity. Does it make Paul Martin scary?

Lest you think such insults are reserved for Alberta, think again. Jean Lapierre may not have been imbibing Johnny Walker Red, but the PM’s designated enforcer in Quebec must have been drunk with perceived power when he tried to a drop a bomb on the Bloc Quebecois. Lapierre said BQ Leader Gilles Duceppe’s stump speech in which he got so sauced about his party’s electoral chances that he predicted the Liberals would “disappear” was “Nazi-like.”

Had Lapierrre, Paul Martin’s transportation minister, transported himself back to the 1940s and decided that Duceppe was now designing the kind of plan for Liberals that the Designing Fuhrer was drafting for Jews?

What’s at the heart of Liberal darkness? Paul Martin’s little meat puppets are having a hard time affecting a Vanna White smile when they are madder than hatters at those ungrateful provinces.

They are ticked with Alberta because Ralph Klein regularly takes a dump in the PM’s fine china.

They are angry with Ontario for reminding Ontarians what a raw deal they are getting from the PM’s version of Confederation.

But the greatest repository of vitriol is reserved for Quebec.

La belle province is seen by many Liberals as the mistress who has been adorned with diamonds and furs and now she’s dumping Big Red for another fella with no bucks, no limo and no hair on his chest. Big Red isn’t happy and can barely contain his rage.

Question: If the prime minister’s people insist on calling their opponents losers (that was Pierre Pettigrew’s power-drunk comment) and Nazis, are they still our best hope for selling federalism in Quebec? Does this make Paul Martin scary?

The Canadian Auto Workers union, before it was headed by Buzz Hargrove, had an interesting suggestion for the NDP premier of Ontario, Bob Rae, when Ontario was up to its eyeballs in debt. Declare bankruptcy, said Buzz’s predecessor.

Homeowners could have lost about half the value of their property. Unemployment would have soared and the Canadian dollar would have sunk. The CAW vision was too radical for an NDP premier less than 15 years ago. Today, Paul Martin dons a CAW jacket, reassuring the Canadian left that the fossils of socialism will continue to have clout in a Martin regime.

Question: If Hargrove has the keys to the kingdom, is this a plus for Canada’s economic security? How much scarier does Paul Martin have to get before the mainstream media declares that Paul Martin is scary?

Charles Adler
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