This is the final volley in my series on how to screw up your life royally.  If you’ve been embracing habits one through eight [see archives] you’ve probably already added plenty of junk to your trunk and are well on your way to being buried in dung.  Yes, hopefully, you now have more bad habits than a moth-infested nunnery. 

Not wanting to leave you as an incomplete loser, but desiring to finish you off so you’ll be certain to be a disaster to your family, church and state, herewith are the two final habits of decidedly defective people: #9) Have an “It’s not my job” mentality and #10) Quit when the going gets tough.

Habit 9: “It’s not my job.”

If you want your life to be more foul than Courtney Love yodeling while she’s getting a perm, then you have to commit to being non-committal.  I’m talking about having an “It’s not my job” mentality in all things.  If you want your life to bite—and to bite hard—and to historically frame you as a failure, then you’ve got to spread this cheese over everything you do. 

To be defective one must be a passive bystander to duty, truth and societal ills, especially, if they don’t directly and immediately affect you and yours.  I mean, why the heck should you care about stuff that doesn’t impact you?  It’s not your job to fix what’s broken . . . to challenge what’s wrong with our society and to change what needs to be changed.  You’re busy with more important things like . . . watching the E! Channel’s “True Hollywood Story about Jessica and Ashlee Simpson.”  Yee-haw!

Here’s an example:  Why should you be bothered about this supposed “War on Terror”?  You don’t live in New York or D.C., you’ve never been to the Middle East and you really don’t desire to go to those places.  So why, why, should you give one-tenth of a flip about this drummed-up, much ado about nothing conflict?  The war hasn’t landed on the hood of your Toyota hybrid so why should you care?  It’s not your problem, and therefore, it’s not your job.

In addition, why should you care about the multi-billion dollar child pornography industry?  Surely it could never impact one of your kids . . .  could it?  You don’t want to be one of those fanatics always protesting and making noise about injustices and inequities in the land.  And even if you did, what can one person do?  Also, more than likely, your kids will never see that crud or be sexually molested by some sick SOB who downloads it, so, like I asked before, why should you get up in arms about the current seven figure smut industry or the lenient sentences stupid judges dole out to child rapists? 

Also, lazy Christian, you shouldn’t get up in arms over the systematic secularization of the USA.  Stay focused on heaven and how some day you’ll be walking around on clouds with Jesus playing a harp and wearing a penoir.  This world’s going to hell, and according to your prophecy teacher, that’s the way “it “spose to be.”  Since any effort to remedy the situation would simply be polishing brass on a sinking ship, why should you get the least bit concerned about the current coarsening of our culture?  You’ve been programmed to believe the anti-Christ is coming, and thus, your only focus is making sure you don’t get “left behind.”  According to your worldview, evil triumphs over good in time, and Christ only wins in eternity; therefore, it’s not your job to try to change things that simply cannot be changed.  That would be an exercise in futility . . . unless of course, you’re wrong.

The decidedly defective person does not have his sights set on more things to do.  He prefers ease to involvement, vacations to vocations and ruts to a ruckus.  He purposely focuses his attention on passivity, inactivity and indolence when it comes to anything that might demand his moving beyond what is required of him either personally, professionally, ecclesiastically or culturally. 

Habit 10:  Quit when the going gets tough.

It’s crucial for the determined dufus to lose any proclivity towards persistence in a positive direction.  Doggedness, resolve, chutzpah, grit—whatever you want to call that “git-R-done” spirit—is what separates those who grasp their Holy Grail from those who just hold their groin. 

Since this column is running a tad long, let me give you several pithy proverbs to tattoo onto your forearm to guide you away from achievement and success while you complain about how rough you’ve got it.  The following are guaranteed to bring any positive momentum in your life to a grinding halt.  Believe me, people who have trusted and obeyed the following have relationally, professionally and culturally rusted and decayed in regards to effectiveness.  Here we go with 20 amazing maxims to quit by.  Memorize these principles.  Meditate upon them.  By so doing, you will watch the undoing of any goals and dreams you may have had.

1. Allow people who mock you to influence what you should do in life.
2. Distress should weaken you not strengthen you. 
3. Little minds shrink when opposed. 
4. When you get knocked down, stay down.
5. Don’t allow your conscience the right to approve of your conduct; that could cause you to turn and go in a noble direction when what you should really do is to quit.
6. If you have an objective (which you shouldn’t) only go for it one time.  If it doesn’t pan out, abandon it PDQ!
7. Trouble is a sign that you should stop.
8. Let people’s criticisms and fears overwhelm you.
9. Do not let courage coach your ambitions.
10. Beware of persistence because it is the habit of the victorious.
11. Accept mediocrity instead of demanding excellence.
12. Do not concentrate all your energies of body, mind and soul in one direction; that would make you invincible.
13. When your will is crossed and your desires are disappointed, let that erode your faith, drown you in doubt and sideline you forever.
14. If you are going to attempt something, only do so half-heartedly.
15. Avoid starting anything new.  If you must start something, for God’s sake, do not stick with it, because that is a requirement for success.
16. Don’t be ballsy, unfailing, lively, daring or over-the-top.
17. Courage will make you overcome danger, misfortune, fear and injustice, so forget that crap!
18. Do not stay on task.  That would cause you’ll get dusty, sweaty and bloody, and that is a prerequisite for true success. 
19. Always be cautious and careful.  That’ll keep you from ever trying anything requiring perseverance.
20. Finally, Never mind that Winston Churchill said that if you’re going through hell, keep going.  What BS!  What does he know?  He’s never been on MTV!