Here’s the latest study results. Get ready. It’s a real head-basher. Sit down for this. Are ya ready. OK.
According to the latest study, conducted by overworked state-paid doctors working in state-run public hospitals, which was actually published in a scientific journal, a television set could fall over and hurt young Johnny.
Yes. It’s true. This is apparently a modern development. Left unstudied and unreported as yet: “Sticking a Tongue in a Light Socket—Good Points and Bad Points”.
Here, we learn thusly: for the love of God, bolt that television set to the wall. So says the study. Well not the God part. That would encroach upon that whole church-state thing. The other part. I highlighted some pertinent sections of the study for you, since according to the study but not actually spelled-out as such, you’re a total doorknob.
Toppling TVs a hazard for tots: researchers
Updated Thu. Mar. 29 2007 8:19 AM ET
Canadian PressTORONTO—Parents need to be more aware of the hazards posed by televisions that can easily topple onto small children, say two Halifax researchers who conducted an unusual hospital study.
Their study, which appears in the current issue of Paediatrics and Child Health, was sparked by the injury of a child they treated.
[…]
Most injuries occurred in children aged two to four, and 61 per cent occurred in boys, the study found. The researchers also cited the death of an Ontario child in 2005.
Gordon and Dotchin felt it was a big issue, especially with front-heavy cathode ray tube televisions, and that it warranted further investigation.
“What we really wanted to do was get out into people’s homes and look at their TV sets,” Gordon said. “But we didn’t really have the time and the energy to get out and look in people’s homes. So we looked in our own home, which is the pediatric hospital.”
They built a device that would replicate the size and weight of young children who are at an age most likely to climb and want to fiddle with a television.
“And what we found was it was actually quite easy to pull over TV sets in a pediatric hospital,” Gordon said.
“We were quite frankly a little surprised at that because we felt if we can’t look after our own TV sets in a pediatric hospital, then what are parents doing within homes?”
Within the hospital, they found and tested 49 child-accessible televisions; the median screen size was 53 centimetres, with an average height above the ground of 92 centimetres.
Some were on metal stands, others on plastic trolleys and wooden cabinets and a variety of other cupboards.
Ninety per cent of the televisions were found to be tippable by a child four years of age or younger. Following the study, they were all made secure.
“We’d like parents to be conscious that this is a risk in their homes and give thought to where they’re placing their televisions,” said Dotchin.
She advises anchoring televisions to a console or a wall to make them more safe “so that we don’t have any more of these terrible accidents.”
The study suggests standards be set for the anchoring of televisions.
[…]
Later in the article, it was reported that a private group called Safe Kids Canada already conducted a very thorough study on this. Oh well!
…But remember: the median screen size was 53 centimetres… I wonder if the pinhead had a lab coat on while measuring the screen sizes.
Why not bolt the scientists who “study” these things to a wall?
PTBC was founded by Mr. Johannesen in 2000.
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