“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”
– King Solomon, Proverbs 14.1
If some of you ladies want to know how you can suck the life out of your marriage and drive your husband to insanity . . . or to the bar . . . or into the arms of another woman . . . or to a divorce attorney . . . or just shrivel him up into a conquered quail who inwardly loathes you as he dies a slow, emotionally tortuous death, well then . . . this is your lucky day.
Here are 10 surefire principles that’ll make your husband more miserable than Donald Trump being forced to watch Rosie O’Donnell River Dance naked.
They are . . .
1. Nag your husband.
2. Disparage him in public.
3. Keep him on a short leash.
4. Be a drama queen.
5. Hate his friends.
6. Hate his hobbies.
7. Cut him off sexually.
8. Get your parents and/or siblings involved in your marriage.
9. Never apologize.
10. Look bugly (butt ugly).
Are you psyched out, you masochistic mamas, that you are about to have at your disposal a demonic strategy to devastate your mate? You are? Then let’s get straight to the husband crushing.
1. Nag your Husband. Nagging is an awesome instrument in the Torture Your Hubby Toolbox. For a wife to be effective at draining a husband’s love for her and, for life itself, she must not buy into this “loving, sweet, polite and patient” goofiness towards him.
On the contrary, she must be a nerve grating, contentious, non-stop dripping faucet of fault-finding and finger pointing. Ladies, if you run out of things to nag your husband about, turn your spurn towards politics, church, culture, friends, neighbors, weather, work, or your children. It doesn’t matter what you blather about—just blather. The point is to become a persistent source of audio pain in your husband’s brain.
You’ll know you’ve effectively wrecked his soul when he ceases to sing the song of your courtship, i.e., he goes from Clapton’s “You Look Wonderful Tonight” to Elton John’s hit, “The B*tch is Back.”
2. Criticize your husband in public. Waling on your husband in private is good, but it is incomplete. What you’ve got to do, devil woman, is go the next step and publicly shame him.
Melt him down when you’re out on the town. Is he going bald, talk about it and how you don’t like it. Does he have a little beer belly? Call him a pig and compare him to Brad Pitt. Did he have a financial set back? Tell your friends! Become a Tiger Woods at indiscriminately unveiling anything about your spouse that’ll cause him to want to jump in front of a speeding bus.
Now, listen Broomhilda, you can humiliate your husband in many ways, such as the direct and deeply vicious, non-blinking verbal assault. However, the women I have witnessed destroy their spouses usually used humor. Think about it: everyone will laugh (group derision is crazy effective) and you, the satanic wench, can say, “I was only joking.” This will make him look weak (because he also can’t take a joke), which will further blister the ebbing vestiges of virility he has left. This is beautiful . . . just beautiful. Try it tonight!
To be continued . . .