Here’s a couple bits of light reading that will make you smile (EDIT actually more were sent in later today so I tacked ‘em on at the bottom):
This one sent in by Hedplug:
A young man named Paul bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When the farmer drove up the next day, he said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news…the donkey is on my truck, but he’s dead.”
Paul replied, “Well then, just give me my money back.”
The farmer said, “I can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
Paul said, “OK then, just unload the donkey anyway”.
The farmer asked, “What are ya gonna do with him?”
Paul said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”
To which the farmer exclaimed, “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
But Paul, with a big smile on his face, said “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody that he’s dead.”
A month later the farmer met up with Paul and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey?”
Paul said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $698.00.”
Totally amazed, the farmer asked, “Didn’t anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?”
Paul replied, “The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner, when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his $2 back, plus $200 extra, which is double the going value of a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy.”
Paul grew up and eventually became the Prime Minister of Canada, and no matter how many times he lied or how much money he stole from Canadian voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them thought he was a great guy and kept re-electing him.
Actually, maybe that was more “history” than comedy…
This one is part of the text of a speech given by Gwyn Morgan, President & Chief Executive Officer of EnCana Corporation, to the Fraser Institute last month. It is a good speech —I may add more of the serious bits later. (Hat tip Duane F.):
The Ant and the Grasshopper
This is how the Classic version goes:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
Now here’s the Canadian version:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good, eh?
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.
The country’s national broadcaster sends a camera crew to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer. Meanwhile the newscaster implies that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of the less fortunate grasshoppers.
The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant’s house and call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his “fair share”.
In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts Economic Equity legislation and the Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant’s taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. The ant moves to the U.S., and starts a successful agribusiness company.
Fast forward a couple of months. The national newscast shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant’s food, though spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which is the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he hasn’t bothered to maintain it. Inadequate government funding is blamed and a federal commission is launched at a cost of $10,000,000.
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose and the NDP blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the “root causes” of despair arising from social inequity.
Come to think of it, this one is also more of a “real life scenario” than a simple joke…. ok this is starting to seriously freak me out.
——Plus these from “conservativegal”——
Walking Eagle
Prime Minister Paul Martin was invited to address a major gathering of the Canadian Indian Nation two weeks ago in Northern Canada.
He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every native’s present standard of living, should he be re-elected. He also referred to his career as Finance Minister.
Although the Prime Minister was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas for helping his “red sisters and brothers”.
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name – Walking Eagle. The proud Prime Minister then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs as to how they came to select the new name given to the Prime Minister.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of sh**, it can no longer fly.
And this one from from CTV’s website – it’s called “Plan B”. Here’s the link.
PTBC was founded by Mr. Johannesen in 2000.
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