Hey the liberals might have missed this one—or maybe it’s just too knotty to get their heads around: As we enter a new year, we might want to pause for a second and think about what year it is… and why it is that year.
2005 marks the 2005th year since the birth of Jesus Christ (give or take 4 to 7 years). That’s why they call every year since His birth as Anno Domini or A.D.—“the year of our Lord”. The Lord being Yeshua ben Nazareth or Jesus Christ.
Gosh. Hope you’re not offended. We’re not all Christians, after all.
We do all understand that according to our politically incorrect system, the year “0” (well, roughly) was when Christ was born, right? And every time we reference what year it is, we’re effectively referencing Christ. Even the government is. Even the teachers. The media. Sean Penn. Puff Daddy. Even the courts. Yikes. Someone contact the appropriate authorities.
Perhaps liberals will want to avoid not just all usage of the word Christmas and the singing of Christmas songs (or even wishing folks a Merry Christmas), but also the mention of the year from now on too then.
Should we adopt the Chinese calendar? If so, it’ll be the year 4699, and that would start on January 24, 2005. Well not “2005”, but you know, January 24, 4699. At midnight 4698/4699, see.
But there’s a problem with that whole Chinese calendar thing. First, we’re not all Chinese. Someone’s bound to be offended. But secondly, well, the good folks over at WebExhibits.org explain it succinctly:
In the early 1990s, Chinese astronomers discovered that there was an error in the Chinese calendar for 2033. The traditional calendar claimed that the leap month would follow the 7th month, while in fact it comes after the 11th month. It is very unusual that the 11th month has a leap month, in fact it hasn’t happened since the calendar reform in 1645 (before 1645, all months had the same probability for having a leap month). But many Chinese astronomers still claim that there will never be a leap month after the 12th and 1st month. In addition, there will be a leap month after the 1st month in 2262 (in fact, it should have happened in 1651, but they got the calculations wrong!) and there will be a leap month after the 12th month in 3358. Since the Chinese calendar is an astronomical calendar, predictions require delicate astronomical calculations, so my computations for 3358 should probably be taken with a grain of salt.
Take it with a grain of salt, you say? Don’t worry. We will. Mind you, isn’t “take it with a grain of salt” some kind of religious saying? I’m sure the ACLU is already on it so let’s count our blessings… d’oh!
By my calculation—and believe me it ain’t easy —by the Islamic calendar it will be the year 1425, in 2005 (the year of our Lord if you will excuse the expression). Don’t know if you want to go with that Islamic one though what with all the jihad hubbub and “death to America” and what-not. I don’t know—as a liberal, maybe that’s a plus for you. If I understand some followers of this calendar correctly, the year 2001 is the first year of the rest of our lives, by virtue of it being the end of the lives of 3,000 totally innocent humans in America, and if you don’t follow this calendar, your days are numbered. So it’s a rather finite calendar then for some of us. Almost makes Christians and their funky calendar seem sane inasmuch as it doesn’t have an “end” date.
The Jewish calendar won’t go over very well with all you Jew-haters over there on the liberal-left, so best we avoid that one. 5765 is roughly the year in 2005, though, just so you know how long they’ve been counting the days.
On the Indian calendar it is roughly 2061. Again, not all of us are Indians, not even the North American Indians, who are actually not Indian at all. My East Indian friends constantly remind me that there’s no West India—or East India for that matter, so I want to drop the whole Indian calendar thing for obvious reasons, not the least of which is utter confusion.
I suppose that on the liberal/politically-correct/atheist or secular calendar, it would be whatever year since the “big bang” occurred, and I presume they don’t mean that in the sexual way although you never know with liberals. It will take several seconds to write the date every time you write it because it will be so long—and imagine writing a check, but here’s the bigger snafu: The scientists aren’t sure if or when it happened—it’s only a theory—and it happened (it is believed), sometime roughly between 10,000,000,000 and 20,000,000,000 years ago. So right now it’s either the year 10,000,000,000 approximately, or the year 20,000,000,000 approximately, or any number in between the two. That leaves about 10,000,000,000 other options. Who will decide what year it is? And when does a new year start? The Supreme Court will rule on this too, no doubt.
By the way, for sake of argument, let’s agree the year is 14,000,000,006. Do we abbreviate December 28 14,000,000,006 as 12/28/000,000,006? Or what? File this under “Things to clear up before dropping Christ from all of history”.
But I’m not sure how they will identify the years which we now describe as B.C. or Before Christ. In other words, the years leading up to the big bang: B.B.B. (Before Big Bang)? And since most calendars are based on solar or lunar movement, and there wasn’t a sun or a moon prior to Big Bang (B.B.B.), and just what there was nobody seems to know, what a schlep to figure out the days and nights and count the years based on ether! Hang on, no ether either. So, based on nothingness. Absolute nothingness.
Ahh. Now I get it. Base this, too, on nothingness. Pure nothingness. Those liberals are sneaky.
Anyway, my new year’s resolution is to wish everyone a happy new year. Of our Lord. If you’ll excuse the offending verbiage. Oh who am I kidding? I love it.
PTBC was founded by Mr. Johannesen in 2000.
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