The Vancouver Sun ran this exclusive story this morning which raised my ire. It’s about how the big opening ceremonies of the 2010 Olympics will go. They claim to have obtained some leaked information about the plans. Sounds more like leaked information from a meeting of the international committee of left-wing nutjobs.
[…] The information is disclosed in a copy of the Vancouver Organizing Committee’s (Vanoc) preliminary plans for the massive event Feb. 12, 2010, which will be televised and webcast around the globe. The 107-page document, entitled A Wet Welcome: 2010 Millimetres of Rain, was intended only for internal circulation, but a confidential source leaked the program to The Sun Friday.
Vanoc representatives refused to comment on the report.
[…] The working slogan of the Olympics is: “Soak up the Spirit.”
[…] A rainbow—an homage to the pride flag and Canada’s liberal stance on same-sex marriage—will arc from the sun to the water, where the marine life is suddenly illuminated by underwater lights.
“The Voice of British Columbia” booms from above—possible candidates mentioned in the report are Silken Laumann, Bryan Adams and Tamara Taggart—narrating as a parade of local legends navigate the glowing waters. These include: Ogopogo chased by Stockwell Day on a Sea-doo, a Sasquatch reclining in a BC Ferries life ring, the mountain pine beetle coasting on a blue pine raft and David Suzuki on waterskis made from recycled pop cans, pulled by a speedboat that draws trace molecules of carbon monoxide gas from the air and converts them to green fuel (pending invention).
[…] At the end of the parade is Ladysmith beauty Pamela Anderson, clad in a mermaid tail, dragging five seals (borrowed from the Vancouver Aquarium). The well-trained seals dangle limply on chains, looking dead, until Pamela kisses each and removes the shackles, symbolizing her abhorrence of Canada’s seal hunt. The animals spring to life and leap through five flaming Olympic rings to freedom.
Cue flag-bearing delegations from participating countries, which row in on culturally relevant vessels: Scandinavians in a Viking ship, the Chinese in a dragon boat, Brits in a yellow submarine and Americans on a military aircraft carrier.
They unite to form the outline of a big inukshuk.
“At this moment, the visuals climax to a frantic festival of cliches. Think Canadian history on ecstasy,” the report says.
[…]
If you are as outraged as I was, comment below, and email the article’s writer, Becky Soler, who was kind enough to include her email addy: [email protected]
PTBC was founded by Mr. Johannesen in 2000.
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