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Osama bin Laden speech says “OOPS”?

Just heard the newest Osama bin Laden rant courtesy of Al Jazeera and their CNN affiliate and maybe I’m just getting silly, but is he not sounding like he’s begging for America to ease-up on him and them? I mean in between the quixotic endorsations of John Kerry and sundry other similar “death to America” sloganeering.

No machine guns behind him!

He explained that he honestly—let Allah be his witness he said—never meant to take the twin towers entirely down. It was sort of an OOPSIE.

And he said, if you don’t attack us, we won’t attack you, from what I can gather from the translation.

“Your security is in your hands, in every state that doesn’t mess with our security—this way you secure your own security.”

By the way, he also said that “your security is not in the hands of Kerry or Bush or Al Qaeda, your security is in YOUR hands.” Perhaps he’s advocating Islamic rule in America, Saddam-style. Or Iranian Mullah-style. Is he declaring his candidacy?

I’m pretty sure we should take whatever he says and apply the exact opposite to it.

I’m pretty sure we should mess with his sense of his own security. And thus solidify our security. Otherwise he wouldn’t be warning against that, after all. In other words, don’t take the John Kerry/liberal stance, despite what bin Laden says, because the current method seems to be working just fine.

** UPDATE ***

I guess maybe he wasn’t really saying that he didn’t mean to flatten the two towers and kill 50,000 people—he just didn’t know the Michael Moore would come on-side and explain to him the fact that, see, Bush the infidel was reading about goats to school children at the time, and that’s why the towers fell. 

But “listening to the girl telling him about her goat butting was more important than paying attention to airplanes butting the towers which gave us three times the time to execute the operation thank god.”

Bush was supposed to call the fire brigade.  And that would have stopped everything.  But “thank god” he didn’t, nonetheless…  At least I think that what he meant—I don’t really know as my head hurts from all the common sense, bin Laden-style. 

I did not know he was a Michael Moore AND a John Kerry fan.  Wonder if he digs Springsteen.

Anyway, The following is a translation of a speech delivered by terrorist mastermind and diplomatic peace-lover Usama bin Laden in a new tape aired by Al-Jazeera: 

Newsreader: A new message from Bin Laden to the American people about the reasons and resulats of the 9/11 attacks.

Newsreader 2: The head of AL Qaeda says the continuation of us policy will lead to the repetition of what happened.

Male presenter: The head of AL Qaeda organization directed a message to the American people and this video and audio apearence in this tape which Jezeera required for the first time for two years. In the beginning of his message, he spoke about the reasons why they chose the US to execute 9/11..

OBL: You American people, my speech to you is the best way to avoid another conflict about the war and its reasons and results. I am telling you security is an important pillar of human life. And free people don’t let go of their security contrary to Bush’s claims that we hate freedom. He should tell us why we didn’t hit Sweden for instance. Its known that those who hate freedom don’t have dignified souls.like the 19 who were blessed. But we fought you because we are free people, we don’t sleep on our oppression. We want to regain the freedom of our Muslim nation as you spill our security, we spill your security.

Female presenter: Bin Laden spoke for the first time about the main reasons he thought of executing Sept 11 attacks, confirming that the Israeli operation in Lebanon was the first incident where he thought of it.

OBL: I am so surprised by you. Although we are in the fourth year after the events of sept 11, Bush is still practicing distortion and misleading on you, and obscuring the main reasons and therefore the reasons are still existing to repeat what happened before. I will tell you the reasons behind theses incidents.

I will be honest with you on the moment when the decision was taken to understand. We never thought of hitting the towers. But after we were so fed up, and we saw the oppression of the American Israeli coalition on our people in Palestine and Lebanon, it came to my mind and the incidents that really touched me directly goes back to 1982 and the following incidents. When the US permitted the Israelis to invade Lebanon with the assistance of the 6th fleet. In these hard moments, it occurred to me so many meanings I cant explain but it resulted in a general feeling of rejecting oppression and gave me a hard determination to punish the oppressors. While I was looking at the destroyed towers in Lebanon, it came to my mind to punish the oppressor the same way and destroy towers in the US to get a taste of what they tasted, and quit killing our children and women.

Male presenter: Bin Laden considered in his message that the results of Sept 11 were successful in his opinion and as a reason of that, he said that the similarity between the administration of Bush the father and the arab regimes said Bush learned so much from them during his visits.

OBL: We didn’t find difficulty dealing with Bush and his administration due to the similarity of his regime and the regims in our countries. Whish half of them are ruled by military and the other half by sons of kings and presidents and our experience with them is long. Both parties are arrogant and stubborn and the greediness and taking money without right and that similarity appeared during the visits of Bush to the region while people from our side were impressed by the US and hoped that these visits would influence our countries. Here he is being influenced by these regimes, Royal and military. And was feeling jealous they were staying for decades in power stealing the nations finances without anybody overseeing them. So he transferred the oppression of freedom and tyranny to his son and they call it th e Patriot Law to fight terrorism. He was bright in putting his sons as governors in states and he didn’t forget to transfer his experience from the rulers of our region to Florida to falsify elections to benefit from it in critical times.

Female Presenter: Bin Laden considered the way Bush dealt with the first moments of Sept. 11, giving a good chance to the executors of Sept. 11 to complete it.

OBL: We agreed with Mohamed Atta, god bless him, to execute the whole operation in 20 minutes. Before Bush and his administration would pay attention and we never thought that the high commander of the US armies would leave 50 thousand of his citizens in both towers to face the horrors by themselves when they most needed him because it seemed to distract his attention from listening to the girl telling him about her goat butting was more important than paying attention to airplanes butting the towers which gave us three times the time to execute the operation thank god.

Male presenter: the final part of the message is that the security of the Americans depends on the policy that they execute despite the winner of the elections.

OBL: Your security is not in the hands of Kerry or Bush or Al Qaeda. Your security is in your hands. Each state that doenst mess with our security has automatically secured their security.

Female Presenter: In Bin Laden’s message he approached other points. He pointed to the contradiction which considers oppression and killing of innocents a legal act. They formed an international law as bush the father did with the children of iraq according to bin laden. Bin Laden pointed to the millions of pounds of explosives dropped on Iraqi children as bush his son had done, as he said to remove an old agent and install a new agent to help instealing the oil of iraq. And bin laden said the events of 9/11 came as an answer to this oppression and said that if the answer to this oppression is considered bad terror, then we need to do it. And he stressed that he wants to deliver this message to the Americans in words and in deeds since the 9/11 events. He reminded Americans of a few warning messages through various news media like Time Magazine and CNN and other Arab and correspondents since 1996. He warned them of the conswquences of their countries policies. He talked abou t the damage Sept 11 caused the US economy and that it cost close to a trillion dollars. He talked about President Bush and that the emergency law requires more money.

END

Joel Johannesen
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