No Michael Ignatieff did not touch Jane Taber at the Globe and Mail. That capture of an article in today’s paper is circumcised for the purposes of our political/satirical titillation. You’d know that if you put it through one of the government airport scanners.
Amidst all the talk about travelers getting their junk touched by crotchety government agents, Liberal head giver Michael Ignatieff felt up the need to announce to the nation that he, for one, doesn’t mind getting his junk touched at all — only being a typical liberal elitist snooty snoot, he called it his “private parts”. (This from the same mouth that derisively refers to the Prime Minister of Canada, Stephen Harper, as “this guy” or “that guy”, and possibly in private, that “dick”.)
Yes as I said, he is a giver. He gives and gives and gives. He is the head giver. Usually, though, he promises to give from out of the public purse. And unless you call what’s in his pants “the public purse”, we of course mean “the taxpayer’s cash”. No as I said, this time, he’s referring to his “private parts”, and the touching of said junk by public government agents. In public. So it’s a bit of a give and take this time. Like so many liberals, he swings both ways. He’s easy that way. Take from the hardworking taxpayer, and then give it mostly to non-taxpayers. Then as Lauren Bacall said, blow.
And of course upon hearing all of this talk of “private parts” the more socialist-leaning folks in his tribe of naked progressives went ape poop (but not to worry, they went poop in the new gender-unaware, unisex washrooms!) — and denounced him immediately for so openly admitting his personal ownership of any “private parts” whatsoever, rather than using only publicly-owned ones. Speaking of which, Chow and his wife Layton, and of course cousin Libby and his lesbian partner are all now pointing fingers at Ignatieff and castrating him and his “private parts” as an “extreme right-winger”. And then they got right back to watching their fellow dipper and former BC MLA Joy MacPhail’s gay pay TV channel, “OutTV”, which, being Canadian, they pronounce “oat TV”; and surfing the related gay and transgender-exclusive web sites. Just to be inclusive.
Poor Ignatieff (or “shorty” as the government pat-down agents call him). Perhaps he has felt shafted by all the face time Bare Ass Bob Rae has been getting lately. Or maybe he’s more than just the head giver, he’s a butt-head too. I don’t know. Being liberal is hard. And they’re against having a smoke afterwords.
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