Idea To Thwart Pain-In-The-Ass Left-Wing Protests

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The Article

This featured article made my brain twitch. I got this great new idea that would serve mankind in fantastic news ways. Here’s the Twitchy item:

twitchy_bush-pot-giveaway“Priorities: Anti-Bush protest in Denver dwarfed by mob at free pot giveaway”

You have to read that Twitchy page to believe how insane the constantly protesting and narrative-pushing and history-wannachange liberal-left and progressive set has become.

But if you’re lazy, here’s the 411: George W. Bush is (finally) being honored in Denver for, in effect, saving hundreds of thousands or even millions of lives in Africa, thanks to his total (but very quiet) commitment to his African AIDS and Malaria charity work, both during his presidency, and after his presidency.

Well. That apparently can’t happen, on account of… blame Bush, or Bush is Hitler, or something.

Therefore, here’s the first tweet of many tweets by a left-wing or liberal or otherwise progressive idiot, in response to the outrage of Bush getting an award for being an actual hero:

I like that: “Bring Signs.” For most people in the world, left-wing-academic-loons-protest-Bush-awardthis left-wing, or liberal, or progressive lunacy has become tedious. It’s reached the point of being stupid, and boring, and annoying, and ridiculously mundane, and hideous even. My eyes can’t roll enough. I speak for the world.

Reportedly, about 30 people showed-up to protest and exhibit their idiocy publicly.

But as you gathered from the headline of my article, the protest was unwittingly thwarted by just about the only thing that could do it: no, not the police, and no, not a neighboring pro-abortion protest. It was a free pot giveaway.

This brings to mind the cartoon character who hops the fence surrounding that big mansion, only to find six huge hungry growling dogs, whereupon he whips out a few choice one-pound beefsteaks to totally distract tatt-pot-loonthem. And it works every time. In cartoons. And with left-wing loons.

You can already predict my plan: in order to get rid of those constant, incessant, annoying-as-hell left-wing activist protests which pop-up on the occasion of, well, nearly everything, all the time, everywhere, throw a free pot giveaway! Like the protests against Dick Cheney, or say, war, carbon, oil, coal, cars, building (anything), white people, rich people, Christmas, Christians, (any) industry, capitalism, conservative speakers, WalMart, any business, lumber-cutting, salmon-fishing, Sarah Palin being alive and popular, guns; or it could be pro-organic stuff, abortion, legalizing pot or prostitution, etc., etc., etc. Throw a free pot giveaway and the protest disolves! Then you can get on with your day problem-free! (Just avoid the humungous carbon-filled pot smoke pollution cloud wafting through the entire city.

If you run out of pot (you will), then do a free tattoo festival! pierced_loonAnd when you run out of ink, start a free facial or nipple-piercings-a-palooza! Then enjoy your day! Just avert your eyes from the ugly people with pierced nipples and neck tattoos!

All of these protests will thus be nearly completely thwarted. You’re welcome.

IRONY ALERT (or should we call it a left-wing loon alert?):

Seems the lefty loons are now becoming fiscal conservatives. See, the bonus funny part of this insanity is that the free pot giveaway farce was actually just a marketing ploy thought-up by a different protest organizer. At that pot-giveaway protest, these left-wing protesters wanted a tax reduction. No, really. A tax reduction. This is true. And no, they’re not “Tea Party” tax-reduction protesters. As I said, these are left-wing loons!

See, they were protesting the fact that the city of Denver, after Colorado legalized pot, was going to slap a tax of five percent on the pot sales. Denver’s tax would be piled onto a 15 percent excise tax, and a further 10 percent statewide sales tax on all retail pot. Sounds right! That’s progressive!

The hippies don’t like taxes! You can’t make this stuff up.

And yes, for those of you keeping score at home, this is what pot legalization is really all about, aside from getting high. Progressive politicians see it as yet another source of… TAX. First, they’ll save money from losing and quitting the so-called “drug war,” then tax the crap out of pot. Do you think they’ll then reduce your income taxes? Oh I’ve got to stop cracking myself up! No. It spells even bigger government, more regulations, possibly even state-owned and state-run pot retail stores tro make even MORE money, and more sales tax revenue to spend on… bigger government and even more regulations and more government drug programs, and more socialist entitlement programs, to make more citizens more reliant upon the state.

By the way, the Bush award event raised $670,000 for charity. The protesters didn’t.


Joel Johannesen
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