Clue number 8,526 that the size and scope of government has now become laughable, jumped the shark, flipped its lid, is so whacked-out (or is that “jacked-off”) on itself and out of control that even liberals and “progressives” can finally see the total idiocy of the situation…

The abortion party is in deep discussions today regarding the important topics of the day.  And we all know what they are.  Adult sex toys.  Oh they’re fully taxed, the sex toys are.  That’s not the crisis at hand, today.  No no.  Rather, as we all know, dildos and other adult sex toys are not fully state regulated yet, like our TV watching and mobile phone texting is.  We do all know that right?  No?  Oh.  Huh.  Isn’t my face red.

Well anyway, get on it, Liberals!  —No not that way, silly!  Put yer pant suit back on lady!  I mean get on doing your governmentin’!

Cue Carolyn Bennett, Liberal MP paid by taxpayers to climb right into bed with us, deep within in the bedrooms of our nation, and address our nation’s sex toy needs… and the woman apparently serving as the Liberals’ current sex toy opposition critic.  Carolyn_Bennett_possibly_demonstrating_the_size_of_somethingIt’s apparently a core function of government, to her way of thinking.  She will be appointed to the sexy position of Minister of State for Safe, Sexy Positions and in charge of the Sex Toy Secretariat when the liberals finally join with the NDP and get elected.  Job one: satisfaction, baby!

“Sex is a pretty common activity, and these sexual toys are certainly a growing market,”
— the former contender for leader of the Liberal Party and thus within a hair’s breadth of being the leader of our nation, said today in an AP article at CTV.ca.

Well liberals are always so very concerned about commerce and the free market.  Especially when it comes to orgasms, around which so much of their policies revolve.  (That must be one of the reasons the only private clinics they tolerate in their North Korean-style “health system” are abortion clinics!)  But mix sex, sex toys, orgasms, and anything organic — especially if it’s “eco-friendly” whateva, and you gots yerself a Liberal “cause” —or what they sometimes call a “Canadian Value”.

“I wanted to help them, because they had a good cause, in spite of the fact that it is unfortunately still a topic that makes some people uncomfortable.”

…Which is funny because I’m absolutely thrilled that it is “still a topic that makes some people uncomfortable”.

Mizzz Bennett wrote this in a letter to the Health Minister after spending time meeting with the owners of a Toronto sex shop that specializes in eco-friendly sex toys.  Oh go ahead a re-read that last sentence.  You know you want to —and have to simply to absorb the insanity contained therein!  Yes, the “eco-friendly” sex toy purveyors told her of their concerns with the kind of plastics used in most of the dildos and whatever else those folks use.  She also wrote in her letter that “most sex toys pose a potential health risk for women.”  Not men, see, just women.  Guess she forgot about that whole “gay” thing that the liberals are always on about, and she thinks men don’t enjoy the sex toys as a general matter.  I’m so miffed!

But by God I hope those dildos collect the GST on those dildos.  Oh did I say dildo twice?  Oh I’m so sorry.  I hope that doesn’t make anyone feel “uncomfortable”!  You know, like a Christmas tree or nativity scene in the public square at Christmas time make liberals feel “uncomfortable”!

Now.  Where are my smokes?

-READER EMAIL-

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From: Lorna D
Sent: Friday, December 18, 2009 8:28 AM
To: ‘ProudToBeCanadian.ca’
Subject: Re Liberals and Sex Toy Regulation

Hi Joel,

You beat me to it –  I was going to send you this story when I read it this morning. In reading through this eco-drivel, I don’t know if you noticed the website and emails of these 2 little eco-sex babes:

Website Domain: ecosex.ca [sister site: redtentsisters.com]

Twitter account of Babe#1 – uteruslover
Twitter account of Babe#2 – ecosexpert

But, in today’s Copenhagen climate capers, this should take top priority. Lord forbid those discarded blow up dolls and vibrators should clog up our landfills for thousands of years.

One final thought when I read this part of the article: “These unbelievably committed young women sent me this letter,” recalls Dr. Bennett. “I thought, ‘well I know nothing about this’…I went to meet with them at their store.”

These women AND Dr. Bennett should be committed to the nearest looney bin, on the Government dime, of course.

Environmentally Yours,
Lorna

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Hey Lorna,

I’d missed the liberals’ Globe and Mail version of the article (I saw it at the liberals’ CTV.ca division).  I note how the Globe and Mail trumpets the story as an “Urgent Need”!  Wow.  I didn’t know about it being an “urgent need”!

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It sure was kind of the Globe and Mail to include the web site addresses of those urgent news makers, and their Twitter accounts.  How vital to our understanding of the news!  Naturally I checked out their web site and the sister site and boy, was I ever surprised that one of the sisters, Kim, performed in the Halifax production of The Vagina Monologues in 2005!

Puff puff,
Joel

P.S.
I also note that their goals are both “noble” and “environmentally friendly”, as described in this “about” box at their ecosex site.

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From: Lorna D
Sent: Friday, December 18, 2009 11:18 AM
To: ‘ProudToBeCanadian.ca’
Subject: RE: Re Liberals and Sex Toy Regulation

Hey Joel,

I forgot about the “noble” environmentally friendly orgasms. That got me to wondering if the hookers/prostitutes… ooops, “sex trade workers”… at the Copenhagen ConJob summit were making their clients “green” around the gills with their “noble” gestures. Were they paid in carbon credits?

“Urgently” yours
Lorna

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Lorna,

I doubt the “sex trade workers” were making anybody green around their “gills”, per se.  But don’t worry, I am now sure that this is what they all mean by “green jobs”.  And it doesn’t involved the kind of “jobs” folks like us had in mind, exactly.

And no they weren’t paid in carbon credits, they were paid in “stimulus” cash of course.  Again that’s “stimulus” cash.

And in light of this “urgent” news, are you sure it’s called the Copenhagen “ConJob”?

Oh Come All Ye Faithful,
Joel

 

Joel Johannesen
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