….at least that’s the rumour I heard last night…. while walkin’ down the street…. spoken by some guy smokin’ pot behind a church. A CHRISTIAN church! And I’m pretty sure there was a “homo” inside the church! And they were trying to get “TAX BREAKS”! On the backs of “working families”! And “women”! And “assorted victims”! Then they said they were gonna go ahead and get them some o’ that “AMERICAN-STYLE HEALTHCARE” (
TM
Ujjal Dosanjh) in a “Two-Tier American-style system”…. “for the rich”!
I tried to confirm the story this morning by reading the Toronto Star and the Globe and Mail—and they both failed miserably to confirm the rumour, but thank goodness they managed to create their own.
Their mission to destroy the Conservative Party by castigating them as “Divided” (
TM
liberal media), “Angry” (
TM
liberal-left idiots), being taken over by the “Religious Right” (
TM
Godless liberal-left) or sundry nefarious Christian Fundamentalist Extremist Homophobe Unprogressives” (
TM
all liberal-lefties) or by the “Capitalists” is right on track.
Another rumour I heard last night was that the liberal-leftist media in Canada was going to grow up and stop lying to the Canadian people. But I don’t believe that rumour.
Meanwhile, to exemplify how the liberal media works, here’s the Globe and Mail’s “honest assessment” (in point form courtesy of me), of some of the exacting rumours that they culled out the clear blue sky, or what’s otherwise known as “The Globe and Mail newsroom braintrust” (and this is all in one article! Excellent work, liberals!):
“Tory insiders upset with party leadership”
(that’s the tendentious headline)
“Members are questioning Harper’s ability to successfully lead the party in an election”
(that’s the sub-headline)
“Political knives are out for Stephen Harper as his federal Conservatives sink deeper in the polls”
(that’s how the “news report”(!) starts)
““There is a lot of discontent with the turn of things. People are saying it’s time to replace the leader,” said one key Conservative organizer in Toronto who, like many others, asked not to be named because it could hurt his status in the party.”
That’s the next bit. Convenient how nobody wants to be named—just like my sources who told me last night that The Globe and Mail was going to officially join the Liberal Party in time for the next election.
“Although a recent poll puts the Conservatives eight percentage points behind the Liberals and suggests that six in 10 Canadians have a negative view of Mr. Harper, he can be unseated only if he decides to step aside.”
HINT HINT HINT! Get that derision going, you GlobeHeads!
“But, behind the scenes, party members from coast to coast are pointing fingers…”
Let me guess: “UN-NAMED” party members?
“Dissatisfaction with Mr. Harper’s leadership “started expanding with the Belinda [Stronach] defection and then it continued to expand when we didn’t…”
OH MY! The negative tone is like the tone coming from that guy who said last night that the Globe and Mail grows pot in their staff lunch room! I’m pretty sure the guy that said that was un-named, but sounds right to me!
“and a lot of people in the party are tired of waiting,” said one organizer, who also asked to remain anonymous.”
What’s this? he asked to remain anonymous? By George! We have us a story then!
““This guy was supposed to be the answer, and, instead of being 20 points up in the polls which should be happening with the way things are in the Liberal Party, he’s eight points down in the polls. Like, what the hell?”“
EXCELLENT WORK, GlobeHeads! Like, really you know like what the hell eh?!
“Much of the anger from the grassroots is being directed not just at Mr. Harper but also at the tight circle of advisers around him.”
JUICY! It’s systemic! The whole party stinks!! Yay!!! Conservatives are doomed!
““It’s rapidly starting to go downhill and the people that are in control right now don’t appear to be very interested or concerned about pulling it up.”“
YAY AGAIN! Conservative Party Going Downhill! Yeehaaaa!
“As party members grumble about their leader’s performance, rumours also abound about campaigns to replace him.”
That was a separate paragraph right in the middle of the story—for extra anti-Conservative emphasis! Did ya catch all the fairness and the balanced reporting?!
“One of the more widely circulated stories appeared yesterday…”
—which was…. YOU GUESSED IT! A story about the demise of Stephen Harper’s “anger-filled” failure at leadership due to his homophobia and Christianity topped with a big honkin’ dollop of UNPROGRESSIVE!
“Another rumour had Peter MacKay, the deputy party leader, meeting in Toronto last weekend to test the waters for himself.”
That was another separate paragraph to ensure it stood out for you quick story scanners. Hope it sunk in—HARPER and the CONSERVATIVES are DOOMED!
…but everybody knows that the way to really make it sink in is, aside from making screaming dishonest headlines and filling the entire middle with innuendo, to then end it on a really really cool sounding bit of pure bull:
“Still, Conservatives in every region say there are attempts to mobilize against Mr. Harper. But “there’s no way he’s going to go easily,” said one in Toronto. “Nobody wants to be the first person to bell the cat.”
PTBC was founded by Mr. Johannesen in 2000.
Contact Mr. Johannesen about this article using this form. Please refer to article's title.
FOLLOW @JoelJohannesen ON X!
- Wow what a shock: a Big Government project’s cost estimate has DOUBLED — in only a few months - Tuesday April 30, 2024 at 4:50 pm
- UPDATED: State-Funding of Sports Boondoggles Need To Be Sent To The Penalty Box - Wednesday March 13, 2024 at 4:44 pm
- I’m from the government and I’m here to help you become barely mediocre like us. - Tuesday March 5, 2024 at 11:53 am
