If political correctness was an official state religion (which it nearly is) most Canadians would be heretics.

After all, it’s so easy to have an opinion these days that runs afoul of the officially sanctioned left wing world view.

And there is a good reason for that: The left wing ideology underpinning political correctness is contradictory, irrational and just plain goofy.

This is not a problem if you are one of those individuals steeped in left wing dogma—university academics, government-subsidized “artists”, Supreme Court Justices—but for the rest of us it’s hard to keep track of what is technically considered “offensive.”

GUIDE FOR LIVING

What we need to keep us on the straight and narrow is a guide. Something written down, like a left wing version of the Ten Commandments.

What we need, in other words, is a socialist Moses to emerge from the wilderness—or from the modern-day equivalent of the wilderness, the House of Commons—to bring us rules engraved on tablets or at least on recycled paper.

Since that isn’t likely to happen anytime soon, I have come up with my own version of what I call the “Left Commandments.”

And with apologies to Charlton Heston, here they are:

1. Thou shalt have compassion for the poor, downtrodden and elderly, except no compassion shalt be spared for the poor, downtrodden and elderly who are sick and suffering on hospital waiting lists as this would endanger our most sacred of cows: socialized health care.

2. Thou shalt love peace and promote universal brotherhood, except it’s OK for big union bosses to smite or otherwise intimidate workers who wish to cross a picket line.

3. Thou shalt support the notion that no one is above the law, except in the case of Mohawk “warriors” who have every right to defy our laws and shut down our major highways.

4. Thou shalt support official bilingualism, except in Quebec where thou shalt support the government’s right to criminalize the English language.

5. Thou shalt oppose corporations that seek to increase profits, but thou shalt support governments which seek to increase taxes.

SCORN AMERICANS

6. Thou shalt oppose and denigrate anything associated with the United States and scorn all Americans, the exception being Al Gore and Michael Moore, whom ye shall worship and follow without question.

7. Thou shalt defend human rights, except for the human rights of gun owners, smokers, pit bull owners or any other unpopular or politically incorrect minority group.

8. Thou shalt not whip up public hysteria about terrorism, but thou shalt whip up public hysteria about global warming.

9. Thou shalt solve all the problems of the world, from climate change, to Third World poverty, to Bono’s need for publicity, with over-hyped rock concerts.

10. Thou shalt extol religious tolerance, except when it comes to Christianity which thou shalt mock, ridicule and otherwise malign at every opportunity.

And there you have it, 10 simple rules to ensure politically correct behaviour. Of course, this Commandments thing is not an original idea. I copied it from the Bible.

Oops. I just mentioned the Bible without mocking it, breaking the 10th Left Commandment.

May Jack Layton forgive me.