Good afternoon, my dear comrades. We have a problem on our hands. It is a very big problem, indeed. A new book has been released that threatens the progress we have made in recent decades to transform the U.S. economy from a capitalist system into one more like the economy of our beloved former Soviet Union.
In 1848, our father Karl Marx wrote that “a heavy progressive or graduated income tax” is essential to the sustenance of a communist society. If Boortz and Linder succeed in tearing out the American tax code and replacing it with something simpler, we all know what will follow. A reformed government with less government spending will be the biggest blow to the new world order since the fall of the Berlin Wall nearly sixteen years ago.
The principal danger of this new “FairTax Book” is that it threatens to put an end to the woeful ignorance of American taxpayers who think that they pay less as individuals when businesses and corporations are hit with tax increases. Our methods of class warfare depend upon the uneducated American taxpayer who does not yet know that there is only one entity — the individual — who actually pays taxes in America.
In 1802, our great enemy Thomas Jefferson stated that “We might hope to see the finances of the Union as clear and intelligible as a merchant’s books, so that every member of Congress and every man of any mind in the Union should be able to comprehend them, to investigate abuses, and consequently to control them.” But, since then, we have made slaves of the American people, forcing them to pay accountants and lawyers just to comply with the law. They have been slaves to a system they do not even understand.
Think of the progress we have made, comrades. Today, about 5.8 billion work hours are spent per year to ensure compliance with the tax code. That means that yearly the lives of over 8700 Americans (assuming a lifespan of 76 years) are spent trying to figure out how to pay the government. It also means we have taken over 2.75 million people out of the capitalist system each year in order to figure out how to please the IRS. That is more than the entire work force of the auto industry, the steel industry, and several other major industries combined.
But now, our heroic efforts to cripple the capitalist system are threatened by this ridiculous new book.
Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of this new “FairTax” plan is the prospect that American jobs and businesses that left years ago seeking friendlier tax structures overseas will return to America. That means America will be stronger. Clearly, comrades, if you want a stronger America you must join me in defeating this dangerous proposal.
We have fought to keep certain secrets from the Americans for many years. For example, Americans spent over $200 billion in 2003 filing IRS paperwork. Approximately the same amount of money was spent that year calculating the tax implications of business decisions. That means over $400 billion was spent just to collect roughly three times as much in tax revenues. What an absurd but ingenious system!
Think how we have been crippling the capitalists while the American people have remained ignorant. But now these inefficiencies have been exposed and this exposure threats to jeopardize the very existence of the IRS. And, needless to say, without the IRS we will never see a truly communist America.
Our greatest fear is, of course, the effect that all of this will have on personal savings. When people no longer have to put money away in IRAs and 401Ks over the long term in order to avoid taxes, what do you think will happen? Clearly, there will be an explosion in personal savings. Such savings are always followed by explosions in economic growth.
We cannot allow new jobs to be created unless the government takes all the credit. That is the communist way. And that is why these two authors are so very dangerous.
And, now, just imagine what will happen to the average retirement nest egg after all of the world’s investors are able to invest in the American economy without tax consequences. This means that the many millions of “have nots” — the ones we have been exploiting for so long – will attain real wealth that they can pass on to their offsprings.
We must get these two revolutionaries but even that will not be enough. Every existing copy of this FairTax book must be seized and burned. Then we must launch a propaganda campaign against the people of America. It will not be easy to fool the people but we must. It is for their own good — the good of the collective that we must act now. Individual freedom, autonomy, and self-reliance be damned.
Our entire world is beginning to crumble, comrades. We must capture Boortz and Linder immediately. If they resist, we will kill them. If not, we will transport them overnight to Siberia. I have nothing against Congressman Linder. But I can’t wait to get my hands on that other guy. I can’t stand the vicious SOB.
Mike S. Adams wrote this review shortly after paying his quarterly estimates to the IRS. He sincerely hopes that Boortz and Linder succeed before the auditors coming knocking on his door.
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Mike S. Adams was born in Columbus, Mississippi on October 30, 1964. While a student at Clear Lake High School in Houston, TX, his team won the state 5A soccer championship. Mike Adams graduated from C.L.H.S. in 1983 with a 1.8 GPA. Mike Adams was ranked 734 among a class of 740, largely as a result of flunking English all four years of high school. After obtaining an Associate's degree in psychology from San Jacinto College, Mike Adams moved on to Mississippi State University where he joined the Sigma Chi Fraternity. While living in the fraternity house, his GPA rose to 3.4, allowing him to finish his B.A., and then to pursue a Master's in Psychology. In 1990, Mike Adams turned down a chance to pursue a PhD in psychology from the University of Georgia, opting instead to remain at Mississippi State to study Sociology/Criminology. This decision was made entirely on the basis of his reluctance to quit his night job as member of a musical duo. Playing music in bars and at fraternity parties and weddings financed his education. Mike Adams also played for free beer.
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Upon getting his doctorate in 1993, Adams, then an atheist and a Democrat, was hired by UNC-Wilmington to teach in the criminal justice program. A few years later, Adams abandoned his atheism and also became a Republican. He also nearly abandoned teaching when he took a one-year leave of absence to study law at UNC-Chapel Hill in 1998. After returning to teach at UNC-Wilmington, Adams won the Faculty Member of the Year award (issued by the Office of the Dean of Students) for the second time in 2000.
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After his involvement in a well publicized free speech controversy in the wake of the 911 terror attacks, Adams became a vocal critic of the diversity movement in academia. After making appearances on shows like Hannity and Colmes, the O'Reilly Factor, and Scarborough Country, Adams was asked to write a column for Townhall.com.
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Today Mike Adams enjoys the privilege of expressing himself both as a teacher and a writer. Mike Adams is also an avid hunter and reader of classic literature. Mike Adams published his first book, Welcome to the Ivory Tower of Babel, in 2004. His second book, Feminists Say the Darndest Things: A Politically Incorrect Professor Confronts "Womyn" On Campus, was published in 2008.
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