Senator Barack Obama recently made a trip to North Carolina. During the trip he made special arrangements to meet with North Carolina State Senator Julia Boseman. The face-to-face meeting is now fueling speculation that Obama will choose Boseman as his running mate in the 2008 Presidential election.
The decision to meet with Boseman is causing great concern among leaders of the Democratic Party because of a number of embarrassing incidents that have occurred since Boseman was elected to the State Senate in 2004. A brief overview of these incidents follows:
1. Boseman made a bogus threat of litigation against a conservative columnist who ridiculed Boseman and her lesbian lover after they decided to have a baby via artificial insemination. Claiming that they were falsely accused of using an un-named directed sperm donor, they asserted that, in truth, they did not know the source of the sperm. This caused additional ridicule. When the columnist thumbed his nose at the Senator she was forced to retreat in shame from her bogus legal threat.
2. Shortly thereafter, rumors began to circulate that Boseman was being unfaithful to her lesbian lover. Eventually, Boseman was seen making out in public with a much younger woman at a NASCAR race. This information – together with her assertion that she did not know the identity of the person who impregnated her lover – began to fuel speculation that the Senator may, in fact, be a redneck.
3. Later, during a custody battle with her former lesbian lover and mother of her (or someone’s) child, Boseman testified that problems began in the relationship when she (Boseman) was caught by her lesbian lover using illegal drugs in their home.
4. Later, Boseman had her name secretly removed from the deed of the home she had purchased with her lesbian lover. After failing to make payments for the better part of a year, the house has now gone into foreclosure and will be sold at auction. Boseman insists it is a “private matter.” One of her critics responded by asking “What about the taxes that were not paid on the multi-million dollar home?” and “Hey! What would happen if a heterosexual man did the same to the mother of his children?” These are not questions the very fair and balanced Wilmington Star News is willing to address. The New York Times owns the paper.
5. Shortly before the news of the pending loan default Boseman’s former lesbian lover was called into a meeting with the UNC-Wilmington Athletic Director. The AD wanted to discuss Boseman’s ex-lover’s perennial losing record as softball coach at UNCW. The conversation took place just yards away from “Boseman Field” – the softball field at UNCW. Boseman’s lover resigned a couple of weeks after the meeting. It is unclear whether the next softball coach will form the opinion that sleeping with major UNCW donors enhances one’s job security to a greater extent than actually winning softball games.
These are all legitimate issues for Barack Obama to consider if he expects to win in November. But the critics of an Obama – Boseman ticket must realize that there are a number of reasons why Julia Boseman could enhance the Democratic ticket this fall. I’ve listed a few of them below:
1. Boseman would appeal to rednecks – ones who cling to their NASCAR like they cling to their guns and religion.
2. Boseman would appeal to dope smoking hippies who might otherwise vote for Ralph Nader.
3. Boseman could help people come up with new and creative ways to get out of mortgages when they get in over their heads.
4. Dead beat dads don’t want a woman in the White House unless she understands their side of the story.
5. Boseman – in addition to being hell on the softball field – is reputed to be a damned fine bowler.
Republicans must know that it would be hard to beat a ticket with a black man, a woman, and a lesbian. And my lawyers must know it will be tough to beat Julia Boseman’s next threat of a defamation suit. All I have to my name is a few guns, a couple of NASCAR tickets, and a couple of fat ones my friends got in Miami.
If you’ll settle out of court, Julia, I’ll let you keep the change. I’m afraid change is all you can hope for.