Last Thursday, I gave a speech at UNC-Charlotte called “Why Liberals Hate Freedom.” The main point of the speech was that “liberals” hate freedom because they are not really liberals. Unfortunately, during and after the Q and A things got heated with a few of the communists who decided to awaken from their drug-induced stupor and attend the speech.
Since I was overly harsh with most of them I would like to offer the following apology, which truly comes from the bottom of my heart:
I am sorry that communists actually exist in the United States of America – a nation so great that it must construct walls to keep people out.
I am sorry that these communists would like to turn this great nation into one that must construct walls to keep people in.
I am sorry that I sometimes end sentences with prepositions.
I am sorry that one of the communists attending my speech chose to accuse me of conflating the terms “communism” and “socialism.”
I am sorry that it is not possible to conflate synonyms.
I am sorry that, in my mind, I may have conflated the terms “imbecile” and “idiot” while the aforementioned communist was speaking.
I am sorry that the communist who falsely accused me of falsely accusing Hillary Rodham Clinton of being a Marxist has not bothered to read her Master’s thesis or “her” book, It Takes a Village.
I am sorry but it takes a family, not a village, to raise a child.
I am sorry that the communist on the back row pretended not to understand that the main point I was making with regard to Clinton was: There is already a trend towards socialism in America, which will be accelerated sharply if Clinton is elected president.
I am sorry that the aforementioned communist instead chose to claim that I said “Clinton will seize control of all private industry as soon as she takes office.”
I am sorry that communists are unable to address smart arguments from capitalists, opting instead to refute dumb arguments that no one else but communists are making.
I am sorry that the communist love of straw man arguments is symbolic of the fact that communists are living in a make-believe world with make-believe enemies.
I am sorry that my articulation of the above observation caused this particular communist to scurry out the back door of the auditorium while I engaged in a rational point-by-point refutation of his “arguments.”
I am sorry that they don’t make communists like they use to.
I am sorry that I sometimes end sentences with prepositions.
I am sorry that I sometimes repeat myself.
I am sorry that another communist chose to approach me with the ridiculous argument that Jesus’ multiplication of bread and feeding of masses was proof that Jesus, too, was a communist.
I am sorry that the communist who accused me of being “un-Christian” because I oppose socialism was unaware that I tithe 10% of my income to orphans in Africa – and that 100% of them are black.
I am sorry that this does not bolster the argument that capitalism=racism.
I am sorry that this un-bathed communist was forced to admit that he donates 0% of his money to charity.
I am sorry that his excuse for giving nothing to charity was “But, I’m not a Christian.”
Actually, I’m quite that happy he admitted the true basis of his hypocrisy.
But I really am sorry that he only halfway believes in the saying “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need.”
I am sorry that the half he believes in is the latter half of the saying.
I am sorry that the aforementioned communist did not shower because he believes that soap is bad for the environment.
I am sorry that his disdain for soap is wreaking havoc on my environment.
I am also sorry that yet another communist attacked my position on gay marriage by saying that the government should stay out of marriage altogether.
I am sorry that when I asked whether the government had the authority to keep a 43-year old from marrying a five-year old he could not give a straight answer.
I am sorry if the aforementioned communist was gay and, therefore, offended by my suggestion that he could not give a “straight” answer.
I am sorry for my bad puns.
And, finally, I am sorry that the money I made giving my speech at UNC-C was spent on expanding a firearms collection that will help ensure that the Adams household will not soon be overtaken by un-bathed hippy communists who seek to re-establish the world’s most vile and murderous ideology with the possible exception of radical Islam.
I am sorry if any Islamic Jihadists were offended by the previous run-on sentence. I was just trying to avoid using any sentence fragments that might make this apology sound sarcastic. I really mean that. Seriously. I do.
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Mike S. Adams was born in Columbus, Mississippi on October 30, 1964. While a student at Clear Lake High School in Houston, TX, his team won the state 5A soccer championship. Mike Adams graduated from C.L.H.S. in 1983 with a 1.8 GPA. Mike Adams was ranked 734 among a class of 740, largely as a result of flunking English all four years of high school. After obtaining an Associate's degree in psychology from San Jacinto College, Mike Adams moved on to Mississippi State University where he joined the Sigma Chi Fraternity. While living in the fraternity house, his GPA rose to 3.4, allowing him to finish his B.A., and then to pursue a Master's in Psychology. In 1990, Mike Adams turned down a chance to pursue a PhD in psychology from the University of Georgia, opting instead to remain at Mississippi State to study Sociology/Criminology. This decision was made entirely on the basis of his reluctance to quit his night job as member of a musical duo. Playing music in bars and at fraternity parties and weddings financed his education. Mike Adams also played for free beer.
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Upon getting his doctorate in 1993, Adams, then an atheist and a Democrat, was hired by UNC-Wilmington to teach in the criminal justice program. A few years later, Adams abandoned his atheism and also became a Republican. He also nearly abandoned teaching when he took a one-year leave of absence to study law at UNC-Chapel Hill in 1998. After returning to teach at UNC-Wilmington, Adams won the Faculty Member of the Year award (issued by the Office of the Dean of Students) for the second time in 2000.
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After his involvement in a well publicized free speech controversy in the wake of the 911 terror attacks, Adams became a vocal critic of the diversity movement in academia. After making appearances on shows like Hannity and Colmes, the O'Reilly Factor, and Scarborough Country, Adams was asked to write a column for Townhall.com.
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Today Mike Adams enjoys the privilege of expressing himself both as a teacher and a writer. Mike Adams is also an avid hunter and reader of classic literature. Mike Adams published his first book, Welcome to the Ivory Tower of Babel, in 2004. His second book, Feminists Say the Darndest Things: A Politically Incorrect Professor Confronts "Womyn" On Campus, was published in 2008.
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