I just got back from a weekend of yuppie camping in Santa Barbara, California. I knew that upon my return my inbox would be full of emails asking that I write about various campus controversies. So I decided to write about the controversy that seems to be most on the minds of my readers. The clear winner is the recent University of Maryland attempted showing of a hard-core pornographic film.
Maryland had planned to show Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge at midnight Saturday in a campus theater. Since the film was offered to the student union free of charge, some thought it would not provoke significant controversy. They were wrong.
Reverend Kyle Ingels is a chaplain on the Maryland campus. He is also is one of the few adults working on campus with the sense to see the film as degrading, not just to women, but to people in general. Other Maryland officials are less able (or perhaps less willing) to state the obvious.
Some Maryland officials buy into the incorrect notion that viewing porn is simply a personal choice that has no effect upon others. They told the local media that the triple-X movie was an alternative to late-night drinking and other dangerous activities. I suspect that if the film were shown it would have been followed by some later night drinking and possibly dangerous activities. After all, it would have been over by around 2 a.m.
Lisa Cunningham (not to be confused with Marion Cunningham the wife of Howard) told a Baltimore news reporter that it (watching porn) would be “something fun” for the students to do.
But now that the university has decided to can the film there are two serious problems: 1) The Terrapin students have nowhere to turn for “fun” and, 2) I don’t have anything controversial to write about. (Author’s note: I consider #2 to be far more serious than #1).
But, of course, I have a solution. In the aftermath of the cancellation of the triple-X film, Cunningham and other Maryland administrators can follow the lead of my favorite university UNC-Greensboro (sarcasm = on). UNCG recently decided to pay a $3000 honorarium for a speech on the “Art of Kissing.” This is a clear improvement over their decision to host a speech (in 2004) on “Safe Sodomy.”
It is worth noting that the speaker, named William Cane, was flown into UNC-Greensboro to host the speech/seminar after the school had announced that recession-driven budgets cuts would result in the cancellation of classes and firing of staff members.
It is also worth noting that Cane’s last name used to be “Christian” before he changed it. Had the university invited a man named “Christian” to campus people would have been more offended. Ironically, the name change probably prevented a number of atheists from, well, raising Cane.
Of course, William Cane is much more than a former Christian. He is also a former English professor, which means he once held a less meaningful job than that of a kissing expert. Now he offers great tips on, for example, how to kiss with braces. Officials at the University of Maryland would probably suggest that people skip kissing and go straight to fornication during those awkward brace-wearing years.
UNCG student Jamie Freeze had the best observation on the controversy when she said that “Teaching college students how to kiss is like teaching a two year old how to throw a tantrum.” I was so inspired by Ms. Freeze’s analogy that I wrote the University of Maryland and asked them to sponsor a speech/seminar called “How to be a Porn Star.” This will help Terrapins make their own movies and save the administration from further embarrassment.
This means that I can now turn my attention to another area where expertise is sorely needed. It takes the form of a new speech/seminar called “How Public Universities Can Waste Money in the Midst of a Recession.” I’ll be teaching that one and hoping Obama doesn’t cap my honorarium.
But, in all seriousness (really), I am in favor showing porn films and hosting kissing seminars on college campuses. It’s a good way to teach young people how to screw the taxpayers. Best of all, it teaches how to kiss them afterwards.
.
Mike S. Adams was born in Columbus, Mississippi on October 30, 1964. While a student at Clear Lake High School in Houston, TX, his team won the state 5A soccer championship. Mike Adams graduated from C.L.H.S. in 1983 with a 1.8 GPA. Mike Adams was ranked 734 among a class of 740, largely as a result of flunking English all four years of high school. After obtaining an Associate's degree in psychology from San Jacinto College, Mike Adams moved on to Mississippi State University where he joined the Sigma Chi Fraternity. While living in the fraternity house, his GPA rose to 3.4, allowing him to finish his B.A., and then to pursue a Master's in Psychology. In 1990, Mike Adams turned down a chance to pursue a PhD in psychology from the University of Georgia, opting instead to remain at Mississippi State to study Sociology/Criminology. This decision was made entirely on the basis of his reluctance to quit his night job as member of a musical duo. Playing music in bars and at fraternity parties and weddings financed his education. Mike Adams also played for free beer.
.
Upon getting his doctorate in 1993, Adams, then an atheist and a Democrat, was hired by UNC-Wilmington to teach in the criminal justice program. A few years later, Adams abandoned his atheism and also became a Republican. He also nearly abandoned teaching when he took a one-year leave of absence to study law at UNC-Chapel Hill in 1998. After returning to teach at UNC-Wilmington, Adams won the Faculty Member of the Year award (issued by the Office of the Dean of Students) for the second time in 2000.
.
After his involvement in a well publicized free speech controversy in the wake of the 911 terror attacks, Adams became a vocal critic of the diversity movement in academia. After making appearances on shows like Hannity and Colmes, the O'Reilly Factor, and Scarborough Country, Adams was asked to write a column for Townhall.com.
.
Today Mike Adams enjoys the privilege of expressing himself both as a teacher and a writer. Mike Adams is also an avid hunter and reader of classic literature. Mike Adams published his first book, Welcome to the Ivory Tower of Babel, in 2004. His second book, Feminists Say the Darndest Things: A Politically Incorrect Professor Confronts "Womyn" On Campus, was published in 2008.
- Kids Write Obama on Abortion; Obama Misplaces Them - Tuesday January 22, 2013 at 5:15 pm
- Stand For Life - Wednesday January 16, 2013 at 12:44 pm
- Fellowship in the Woodlands - Thursday January 3, 2013 at 1:23 pm
