I’m beginning to feel sorry for Julio Pino. After his department chair “outed” him as the man behind the pro-Jihadist website “Global War” he’s apparently been getting some threatening messages from people not tolerant of the religion that likes to kill innocent Christians and Jews. (That’s Islam just in case you’re a college student who has not yet been exposed to that aspect of the “religion of peace” in your Middle Eastern Studies class).
Julio admitted his involvement with “Global War” in a recent interview with Fox News. Because there is no evidence whatsoever that anyone else has posted original writing or news stories on the site, Julio is apparently taking all of the heat for its highly disturbing material. Nonetheless, he’s managed to paint himself as a victim.
Julio’s statement to Fox saying that his critics do not want him to say “anything at all” is an indication that we are dealing with a man who has more in common with Charles Manson than just a pair of hypnotic eyes, which suggest a lack of mental stability.
Manson, too, managed to provide his critics with a plethora of evidence suggesting that he suffered from delusions of persecution – not to mention delusions of grandeur. This was while he simultaneously tried to get other people to launch a Global War (Manson used the term “Helter Skelter” not “Jihad”) because he was simply too cowardly to commit the murders himself.
Julio Pino’s whining, effeminate tone suggests that he is ill prepared for what is about to happen to him in the coming weeks and months. A brief summary of what he can expect follows:
1. A thorough FBI investigation will soon be underway. I met with the FBI last week and they are indeed taking Pino seriously. It is believed that Pino is in direct contact with terrorist organizations abroad and an investigation will help decide whether those suspicions are warranted.
2. A thorough investigation by the State of Ohio will soon be underway. Legislators contacted me last week with an interest in investigating Pino. If the pro-Jihadist activity is linked to Kent State equipment, they will seek a revocation of his tenure – a move, which, by the way, I support fully. I have sent evidence to the legislature already.
3. DrAdams.org will soon launch a “redneck Jihad” on Julio Pino via its email newsletter. Sign up here for occasional updates. This newsletter will be supported by former Kent State donors who are upset with the university’s demonstrably false assertion that Pino was not linked to the “Global War” blog.
4. Julio will have trouble keeping his site up. Note the word “was” in the last paragraph. “Global War” has been shut down and Pino appears to be losing his voice. Shortly after the “Global War” blog appeared to have been hacked by a pro-American source it was shut down. Next, a similar blog called “The Base” was established. It was shut down, too. Few people will want to support a blog by Pino given that the FBI is on his tail.
5. Ann Coulter is writing a column with a stunning new revelation about Pino’s personal life. The other night I had dinner with Ann Coulter in Washington, D.C. During the meal, she referred to Pino as a “maggot.” I told Ann she really needed to stop using that word. Someone seated nearby might think she said “faggot.” She wouldn’t tell me what she’s writing – even after a few glasses of wine – but it promises to be interesting. I’m just glad my wife stopped reading my columns.
6. Fidel Castro will soon be dead. Getting the hell out of the country is really the wisest course of action for Julio Pino. Pino can’t seek asylum in a Muslim country because he did not originally take credit for “Global War.” His initial timidity should be reason enough for some young Muslim to slit his throat for being a coward. Given his past praise of Castro, returning to Cuba would make sense. But Castro’s candle is burning faster than a petit corona. Soon, the 87 mile boat ride from Miami to Havana won’t be an option.
7. Imposters will attempt to get Pino fired. Take a few moments to log on to http://juliopino.bloghi.com/. We all know that Julio is a quack job. But thumbing his nose at Kent State – the only ones defending him – would be professional suicide. Certainly, he is having his identity stolen by someone in the vast right-wing conspiracy. Perhaps I should pass this on to the boys in the Bureau, too.
In short, a lot of people are watching you, Julio. If this Jidad thing ever comes to pass, I predict you’ll end up being nothing more than somebody’s bitch. Now might be a good time to seek legal counsel from John Edwards.
Update: Shortly after he finished dinner with Ann Coulter, Dr. Adams woke up. He was lying on the couch clutching his Ann Coulter action figure. Still groggy, he pressed Annie’s belly button only to hear her say something about Brittney Spears and a dyke in rehab. For a moment, he thought he grabbed his Rosie O’Donnell Action Figure by mistake.