Some people make you smile just by being around you. Other people make you want to kick your dog.
That real winner of a guy who made national headlines by spitting on the Belleville, Ontario war memorial right before the Remembrance Day ceremonies strikes me as belonging to the latter category.
I thought of him when I read another news story recently. This particular one dwelt on the popularity—or lack thereof—of various political leaders. Harper came out on top, with Dion eating dust. But 20% of respondents replied, “none of the above”.
I found this odd, because the question was, “which of these candidates would make the best Prime Minister?”, not, “which of these candidates do you like?” It simply asked who would be best, given the batch we have. In other words, you should have been able to answer the question even if the possibilities were a mushroom, a possum, a little yappy dog that likes to bite your ankles, and a weasel. (And I’m not trying to make any political allusions by those choices.)
The columnist commenting on this poll, though, didn’t see my line of reasoning. Instead, he issued a warning call to the candidates, saying, “You had better figure out how to appeal to that 20%”. I think he’s got it totally backwards. Those 20% are never going to like anybody. They are simply negative people, just like that idiot who spit on the memory of the very soldiers who gave their lives so he could act like a jerk. A significant portion of our population makes it a point of principle to hate everything.
You probably all know people like this: those who spout off loudly about everything, despite the fact that they don’t appear to know what they’re talking about. It seems they feel important when they put others down.
The establishment—the talk show hosts, the schools, the media—tends to view these social pariahs as individuals suffering from low self-esteem. Their remedy is to help them to feel good about themselves so they won’t find it necessary to make everyone else feel lousy. But again, I don’t think this line of reasoning follows.
An older gentleman recently recounted to me an experience he had walking outside of a high school. A number of teenagers were hogging the sidewalk, and instead of parting to let the man pass, they snickered as they called out “move along, old man.” Were they suffering from low self-esteem? Or, as I believe is more to the point, are they suffering from too high self-esteem?
From the time children are born we tell them they’re special. And just in case we don’t do a good enough job, the schools tell them that, too. Because if we feel good, we’ll be good, right?
It turns out these intellectuals may have it all backwards. Studies of death row inmates reveal that they have among the highest levels of self-esteem in the population—and that may be part of the problem! They feel good about themselves without any reference to how they actually act. And when people start to feel that they are smart, insightful, and good, regardless of their actual behaviour, then it becomes increasingly easy to ignore the needs of others.
If society’s going to function well, then, we all need a good dose of reality. This morning I treated my husband just terribly, and I’m suffering from acute guilt pangs that chocolate does not ease. I should feel badly. That doesn’t mean I’m bad; but it does mean I need to apologize. And recognizing that one is fallible is an important step in social cohesion.
I don’t think our society is suffering from low self-esteem as much as we are suffering from high self-esteem. Too many of us think we’re better than others, and thus we have no reason to treat others with respect. It’s time to start telling people the truth: being obnoxiously negative does not make you look smart or insightful. It makes you look like a jerk. So do yourself a favour; go down to a war memorial and start reading the names. Those people died so that we could live in freedom. Now go and make yourselves worthy of their sacrifice.
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