Saturday Newsquip or two

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Updated through the day.  Usually.  Being Saturday, not so much. 

1.  Headline in news: “Screen Actors Guild to ask members to authorize strike”.  Has same emotional effect on the public as, say, “Scott Brison to enter Liberal leadership race”.  …  Most SAG members don’t even have a job and don’t work, and so don’t get paid.  … Differences between a SAG member and me:  I actually WORK but still don’t get paid; I do something useful (and don’t get paid); When I write a stellar blog entry I don’t get paid $20 MILLION;  I have actual values;  I’ve only been married once;  I don’t think Marxism is cool; and my head isn’t up my arse.

2.    Professional journalism is gooder than the worst since before again because bath.  Or whatever that Yahoo – Canadian Press headline says.  …  What Prime Minister Harper actually said was this:  In French: ”…looks nothing like anything we’ve seen since 1929.”  And in English:  ”…unlike and potentially as dangerous as anything we’ve faced since 1929.”  Not “worst than Great Depression”.  But what never since carbuncle shnookums.

3.    They’re not so much “environmentalists” as “joiners”.  HILARIOUS video from Penn and Teller.

4. My item #2, above, is further exemplified in this Lew Rockwell blog entry, as it were, or were not, as if there were such a need, pray tell, henceforth we venture….

Write Like Toni Morrison
Posted by Peter Klein at 02:08 PM

Remember the Universal Translator? Peter Wood, in like manner, provides a useful guide to translating regular English prose into the style of Nobel-prizewinning author Toni Morrison, probably the most frequently assigned writer on US college campuses. The basic rules:

      * Misuse common phrases
      * Embrace inconsistency
      * Omit words to create more forceful expression
      * Mix up parts of speech
      * Chop in self-conscious micro-sentences

He provides some wonderful examples. For instance, this office memo:

  Just to remind you, I will be out of the office Tuesday to meet with our supplier, Acme Explosives. Please finish your work on the 2Q budget and let the account rep know that Mr. Coyote’s order will be shipped Thursday.


The reminding can’t wait the hurry of it. I explain. I know you know of Tuesday, I and Acme Explosives is soon together meet. You can please work, perhaps, the budget’s second quarter, and knowledge the account rep of Mr. Coyote’s Thursday shipment.


…Or just listen to Liberal Frenchman Stephane Dion speak in English. 

5. That fizzle been da wizzle, yo.  For those who are curious about the aforementioned Universal Translator but were too lazy to check it out, here’s the beginning of our columnist Ann Coulter’s latest column (printer-friendly version), translated into “Pimp”:
conservative—wid bite!

Written by Ann Coulter
See Website fo Bio | See Website fo Ann Coulta Archives
Thursday, Novemba 13, 2008

Ann Coulter

For da first time in 32 years, Democrats gots ‘mo than 50 percent of da country to vote fo they candidate in a national election, ‘n now they want to lecture da Republican Party on how to win elections n’ shit. Liberal Republicans has joined them, both groups hopin’ naw one gots to notice dat we just lost dis election by runnin’ da candidate they chose fo us.

For years, New York Times columnist David Brooks has been writin’ mash notes to John McCain, man. In Novemba 2007, tha dude quoted an allegedly “smart-alecky” political consultant who exclaimed, in private, “ Yo’ ass know, there’s mad only one phat muthafucka runnin’ fo president dis year, ‘n that’s McCain.“

“My friend’s remark,“ Brooks somberly intoned, “had da added weight of truth.“

Brooks gushed, “Ah can tell yo’ ass there be nobody in politics remotely like him,“ ‘n even threw down da gauntlet, saying: “ Yo’ ass gots to neva persuade me dat tha dude be not among da finest of men.“

Dat took guts at da Times, where McCain be constantly praised by da op-ed columnists ‘n wuz endorsed by da papa in da Republican primary n’ shit.



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